you gotta do what you gotta do
what even is everything right now?
this could be the first day of spring
or the first day I don't do any whistling
because I'm feeling a little under the weather
in silence I am a conduit for feelings
much less so when I'm hearing a chainsaw
a chainsaw to cut up trees I never met
trees that fell when I was doing other things
like thinking about people I know
or chopping peppers to put in a salad
good morning? I love you?
maybe this is a new thing,
lying on this old couch,
typing new thoughts on this new phone
but also familiar because I am ancient
and time moves in both directions
have we met before or after?
I wish I had socks on my feet
and I wish I was in third grade again
it's impossible you know, to be this old,
and to make sense of who we used to be
or that you have your own history
filled with as many memories as mine
at some point, every one of us must see
a sink full of dirty dishes and say no, I can't
not now and maybe not ever again
but eventually we come around
and say things like "hot enough for ya?"
or "you gotta do what you gotta do”
as if compelled by some outside force
and not an inner fear
why are people so afraid
to admit they want to live?
~
2017 - 2021