this is my life
A keyboard in front of me,
to type anything in the English language.
I wonder, what do Japanese keyboards look like?
I've wondered about that a lot.
And then, silence.
A baseball hat, with “Yankees” written across the front.
I was walking once, with this hat on backwards
and someone behind me said “Yankees!”
I just kept walking.
It's an old hat. Most of this stuff is old.
Webster's Dictionary, New Riverside Edition.
I got it for graduation.
But what a joke that was.
The phone.
I was waiting for it to ring, and then it did, just before I wrote this line.
I answered, but there was no one on the other end.
We have caller ID here.
In the future, that will be standard, but for now, it's not.
It said "unavailable.”
That usually means it's someone from another state wanting to sign you
up for a credit card or ask if they can poll you about something.
I was hoping it was a friend of mine that I called earlier.
I'm going to ask her if she wants to go to California with me.
I have no idea what she'll say, but probably it'll be some form of no.
There's a machine making a bunch of noise right now, and it's really annoying. It's at this industrial building that's right next to my apartment complex. I'm not sure what they do there, but it involves being loud. This machine, it makes this sort of drilling sound for one second, then stops for a quarter of a second, and repeats. After a minute of this, I can almost think of nothing else. I have to endure it though, because I'm not going to close the door to the balcony. It's too hot. I would turn the air conditioner on, but our electric bill is already going to be high, so it's better if I don't. We had it running for two or three days only to find out it wasn't even working. We came home one day and there was a note from the maintenance guy that said he came in to fix a leak. I think he used a piece of our printer paper to write on. Well, the note's in the trash now. And the trash is in the kitchen. Along with all the food, cleaning supplies, dishes, utensils... Can you tell I'm bored? This is how my life is lately. Not interesting, not exciting. There's a bottle of 409 here because I had to clean the computer screen. I don't think it had ever been cleaned. Well maybe not never, but it was really dirty.
Bran Van 3000. I haven't listened to that CD in a long time. I don't want to because I know it'll remind me of last summer, and then I'll be even more sad than I already am. I haven't worked in a month and a half. Or something like that; I really don't remember. I have enough money to last me about a week or so. I have to move out of here in two weeks I think, two or three. I have no idea where I'm going to live.
Anyway, what do you think of this poem so far? Is it trash? I think it's good, in its own way. I would stop writing if I didn't think so. Ugh, shitty cars keep driving by with their music up really loud and the windows down. And then a blue van with a white top. I keep leaving the light on in the kitchen. I try not to.
A man just walked by, and I only saw him out of the corner of my eye, so I ran to another window to see who it was. I thought it might have been this girl who lives in the next building. She's really cool. But it's probably better if I didn't talk to her I guess, since she lives with her boyfriend and I'll be gone in two weeks. Then again, if I talked to her more, maybe I would find out that she's unhappy in her relationship, and... But it won't happen. Nothing like that has ever happened. Well, one thing like that happened, but that was a while ago, and I don't want to talk about it right now.
Actually, I don't even feel like using complete sentences anymore. I'm just going to name objects in the room. Don't ask me why. Magnavox television. Microsoft mouse. Pearl Jam. Titanic, music from the motion picture. A remote control... I can't see what it's for. Video Cassette Recorder- Owner's Manual. “Important- Return your warranty registration card within 10 days- See why inside.” Now someone's yelling outside. Stop distracting me, I'm trying to describe the living room. Nintendo 64. Independence Day, Colors, Dead Poets Society. Most of this stuff isn't mine. There's a straw wrapper on the floor from a Capri Sun. A couch and matching love seat, very plush. Dos Equis banner hanging above the dining area. Holst: The Planets - Dallas Symphony Orchestra. Canon- that's what it says on the monitor. This thing is so old. LCT 60. Allsop. American Eagle. Michigan State. Hiawatha. Stapler. Some books... Clockers, Human Physiology, The Hottest State. My friend's cat is sleeping by the window. Or she was anyway, until someone knocked on the door and woke her up.
I just have one more thing to say.
This is my life.
There's a little sticker on the front of the printer.
It says “Photo Realism.”
~
1998