blink
I know they're not around
I know that nobody's here
would I care if I broke my ______?
with concrete things it's hard to tell
I guess it should be that way
I'll say that every single day
whether I'm blowin' smoke or inhaling wind
I love the two whispers together
I just think I'd like to be in a church with my girlfriend
but we're never married, she's always just my girlfriend
and I would melt into the floor if she wasn't there
I know that sounds strange, but this is a letter
and in a letter you always tell the truth
even if it's snowing it stays the same
I know it's been a cold hard winter for you
those monsters make it hard to come out
but I'll cry them away, because they know I have a limit
I'll breathe an ocean and feel nothing the next minute
I try to put a face on a faceless thing
I try to push my hands through my eyes
to see what it's like on the other side
I wanna say things that are like sunshine to you
and I want your riddles on a plate I'll eat them
there's no going away
this will never go away
I can wash off this paint but the sadness it stays
it always makes it worse when you see
something like a lighthouse in a picture
that's not where I am or will ever be,
but several thousand times I imagined you with me
what is that to anybody else?
the only question I ever have to ask,
everything else is just a false lead
I try to make room but you don't fill it
then tomorrow I'll lie down limbs outstretched and never ever feel your feather
I imagine you're like a lamp
or a piece of silver that'll wear down as I wear down
in which case I would wear you around my neck
and I would tell everyone that whatever I did you were half of it
I think it's too late
too late, too late
my letters are being sent to you all the time
I am them
I've twisted myself into a vine that grew lots of fruit
and I want to watch you eat it
I drip some dew on your head to see if you laugh
now it's fall and we've spent some time apart
for that, we play pianos and wining dining everything, it makes you sing
I bring something home, it's small and meaningless
but I want you to have it, it's really not that hard at all
then I guess I'd keep crying, maybe somewhere in there
think I saw a shadow in the hallway
but it's never ever anything
and then you're back
it feels so real to be real and feel real and wonder if you are real
can I say this to anyone but you?
I imagine that, sipping drinks nodding heads laughing
until it's dark
then it's tomorrow and I'm walking
I always try to carry on of course
and I leave a trail wherever I go in case you're onto me
little scraps of paper, windows open that should be closed
I want you to notice before I forget
before I make a dream out of it and wake myself up
that was harsh
but do you know what else is?
you never come to me
so that means you're doing something else
I need to rest, but instead all day I guess
till it's night, and there's nothing that says I'm human
so I rip off my clothes and I howl everything blue
I see you in your sweater, your scarf, next to a window
but I'm an animal now and I don't know what that means
I only know how to cower in the dark, waiting for the lonely to go away
and it does, for a minute
words are just symbols and that's not what I need
we have to be alone in outer space in the middle of the room
it all translates to yes is no or maybe is better
finish this, it's killing me, to write you this letter
days weeks whatever
I'm not proud, I don't care if I've done art
I just end up throwing it in the trash,
the trash goes away and then I see it:
the tiniest possibility of me and you meeting
anyway, I'll hold this train as long as I can
I want you on it
I don't know how to say it any clearer
then I blink
~
2002